i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize