My girlfriend figured out who you are.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
