But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
