why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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