I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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