So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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