just come out here and I will go home with you...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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