I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize