If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
