??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
