Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
