I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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