i just sent this text using only my big toe
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
