Your tits are I can't wait for
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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