She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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