Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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