I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
