Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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