hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
