I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
