Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
