He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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