I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
