I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
