At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We had sex on a dog bed..
we're so committed to being not committed
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
