hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
