he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
