he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
