I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
