The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
