Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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