Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
