Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
