Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
