I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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