i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
