if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
