I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
