I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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