There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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