some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
