why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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