it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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