too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize