I think I won the penis lottery.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
