i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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