last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
