sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
