There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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