You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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