Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
