So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
