Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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