WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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