I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
