She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
But theres a keg here and me gusta
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
