I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize