Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
