My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
