The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How does one acquire holy water?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
