This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
