and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
