I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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