"it" just moved
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
