Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
