i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
