I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
