i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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